When Your Adult Child Struggles: Navigating Hurt, Hope, and Healing Together

My two as babies! My son is 8 years older than my daughter and they were two peas in a pod growing up. Love them more than anything!

Let’s pull back the curtain on what it’s really like to support our grown children—especially when mental illness or serious challenges shape their lives. If you’re a mom who feels the ache, frustration, and hope of helping an adult child through anxiety, depression, or other mental health struggles, know this: you and your family are not alone, even if it feels that way. Support can be tough to find, unfortunately-I've learned from my own experience. That's why this is such an important conversation for me-I don't want others to feel helpless, hopeless, and alone like I did.

For years, I was “the fixer”—the mom who swoops in. When my adult child faced mental health crises, I tried every tip and trick the experts suggested. Here’s the honest truth: some strategies worked, and some just didn’t. And that’s okay.

What’s Helped Most

• Listening Without Judgment: As moms, our instinct is to solve. But the biggest breakthroughs have happened when I listened—really listened—without rushing to advice or solutions.

• Respecting Adult Independence: My children need respect and presence, not control. I ask with genuine curiosity (“What made you choose that?”) to open honest dialogue—this builds more trust than ever before.

• Gentle Sharing: If advice is welcome, I share my experience—but only after asking if it’s wanted. Sometimes, sharing a story steers us toward empathy instead of competition.

• Consistency Despite Distance or Awkwardness: Even if our relationship feels strained, showing up—making that phone call, sending a simple message—reminds my child that unconditional love is always available.

Challenges and Lessons Learned

1. Letting Go of Control: I had to accept that I can’t fix everything. Letting my child guide their own healing journey was both hard and necessary.

2. Embracing Vulnerability (for Both of Us): I’ve made space for tough conversations: “What do you need most right now?” “How can I support you without overstepping?” These honest exchanges forge a stronger adult-to-adult bond.

3. Practicing Self-Compassion: I remind myself daily: I haven’t failed if things aren’t perfect. I’m honoring my love by doing my best—and giving my child room to grow, stumble, and learn.

When It’s Really Hard

If your family faces distance, estrangement, or painful silence, you are not alone. It’s okay to send a loving message with no expectations, to own your role where needed, and to let time work gently. Grace for ourselves and our kids is essential.

There’s Still Joy—Find It Together

Even in the hard seasons, moments of laughter, deep conversation, and mutual support shine through. Adult children can become friends, collaborators, and fellow healers on this journey. The key: stay open, grounded in love, and keep growing with them.

Let’s Create a Circle of Support

This space exists to connect moms who are walking similar paths. Share your wisdom, vent your frustrations, and offer solutions. Here, every story matters—pain, joy, and everything in between.

Ready to join women who truly understand? Visit beckisalzman.com, comment, or reach out for support. Let’s build a safe, nourishing community where we lift one another up and honor the love, courage, and wisdom it takes to support a child through life’s biggest challenges. You belong here. Let’s connect and keep growing together.

[For more support or to share your journey, join me at beckisalzman.com or send me a note at beckisalzman@gmail.com. Let’s create a safe space for every mom’s voice—together.