When Your Adult Child’s Mental Health Crisis Hijacks Your Life (And How to Get It Back)

My two favorite humans-Nick and Catie

Your phone buzzes at 2 AM. Again. It’s your adult child, spiraling, and suddenly your nervous system is hijacked. Your heart races, your mind spins through worst-case scenarios, and boom—you’re wide awake planning another rescue mission.

Sound familiar? Welcome to the club nobody wants to join: Parents of Adult Children with Mental Health Challenges.

The Invisible Epidemic

Here’s what’s really happening: while your adult child battles their demons, you’re battling secondary trauma. You’re absorbing their pain, internalizing their chaos, and slowly losing yourself in their struggle. This isn’t love—it’s emotional enmeshment.

The hardest truth? You cannot think your way out of their depression. You cannot anxiety-manage their anxiety. You cannot love them into wellness. But you can love them while maintaining your sanity. Here’s how.

The Oxygen Mask Principle

Remember what flight attendants say? Put on your oxygen mask first. Not because you don’t care about others, but because you’re useless if you pass out trying to save everyone else 🎯.

Your adult child’s mental health crisis is real and valid. Your need for stability and peace is equally valid. Both things can be true simultaneously. This can be incredibly tough when your child does not believe the two truths can be held. Focus on your mental wellness and what you have control over-your thoughts and your response.

Creating Distance Without Creating Damage

Detachment doesn’t mean abandonment—it means loving them enough to stop drowning with them.

Here’s your survival toolkit:

⏰ Set specific times when you’re available for crisis calls (hint: 2 AM isn’t one of them)

💚 Create a standard response: “I love you, this sounds really hard, and I want you to call your therapist/counselor/crisis line”

💻 Stop researching their symptoms at 3 AM—Google isn’t helping anyone

🌱 Get your own therapist. Yes, really.

The Plot Twist You’re Not Expecting

When you stop being their emotional dumping ground, something magical happens. They start developing actual coping skills. They find other support systems. They realize they’re stronger than they thought.

Is it scary to step back? Absolutely. Will they initially panic and escalate? Probably. But here’s the thing: their emergency response doesn’t obligate your emergency reaction. It will be hard not to have your own emergency reaction, and you probably will the first few times. I did! I still do sometimes. This is a learning, growing, human process, my loves. Be kind and patient with yourself just as you are with your adult children and your friends. YOU deserve the same compassion!

You’re not giving up on them. You’re giving them space to grow up. And honey, after 25+ years of parenting, you’ve earned the right to get your life back ✨.

Let's touch base to start mapping out your plan to reclaim your life and how to strengthen your adult relationship with those amazing humans we get to parent. Book your chat

or email me at beckisalzman@gmail.com. Cannot wait to get started!!